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Tending the Garden

I spent a few days at O.U.R Eco village this week. My first day there I helped weed the garden. I haven’t really been around a garden since childhood and I forget how much work they can be. The patch I was working on with another volunteer had been neglected; it was overrun with weeds […]

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Moving Through Life

I’ve been anxious since I left the hospital two months ago; waking up most mornings with my heart racing for no particular reason. When I wake, thoughts about what I should do with my day run through my mind. Should I just relax, breathe, and enjoy the summer now that the big treatment is over? […]

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Staying out of Frigid Waters

Even though I haven’t been in place in life to look for a relationship since last fall, and I’m not ready to make space for one in my life at this time, a relationship is something I want in the future. As I am trying to be open to all possibilities in my life, I […]

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Being in the Unknown

I’ve been feeling down on myself this last week as I’ve been thinking about everything that seems to be missing from my life. The things I want for myself that are not in place yet. The things I want to do but am not yet able. I’ve been having difficulty making decisions for the coming […]

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Slowly Rebuilding

I returned home today after a stay in the hospital where I received a stem cell transplant. I was there for exactly twenty-one days, it seems long, but the time went by faster than I anticipated. Of course, there were days that seemed to drag on, especially when my body had pain and discomfort. I […]

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Reprogramming the System

It feels natural to preserve my life, yet the means to get there seem very unnatural. Modern medicine is strange to me; a human being is treated like a programmable computer, and the drugs are the algorithms. I sat here as the doctors hacked my system to a delete a cancerous virus. They have a […]

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The Path Ahead

I knew this time was coming, so, in the new year, I promised myself that I would be looking forward to being admitted to the hospital for a few weeks. I filled my calendar these last months, attempting more and more activities than I could reasonably integrate. I thought I would easily relax into nothingness […]

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Confessions About Life and Death

A number of years ago I went through a phase where I was craving an NDE (near-death experience). I did not want to leave my body permanently, but there was a desire to have more understanding about life and death, and I thought the best way to gain more understanding would be to actually have […]

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The Siren’s Call

I live in a house on the corner of two moderately busy streets. The daytime soundscape includes whirring of buses along cables, car tires cutting through the rain, and the occasional clamor of pedestrians on the sidewalk. The noises of the day go mostly unnoticed, standing as a backdrop for the activity of the day […]

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The Door is Open

As I’ve acknowledged the value of relationships more and more over the years, I’ve found it difficult not to get attached to certain people or certain ideas of how they are supposed to be in my life. A reason for this, I think, is because I spent most of my life pushing people away, and […]

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